An ode to thunderbird

Despicable son of a whore. I muttered under my breath, to no one in particular, with a sigh of utterly helpless resignation. For I knew I would never know the recipient of these vile words. 

Just a few moments ago I was walking toward my ride. The bird, as I call it, is a beautiful beast. To borrow an apt phrase it's 'muscular with a tinge of feminine beauty'. I stepped closer to it as a longish white thread on top of the fuel tank distracted me. I reached to flick it away but it wouldn't move. It was a part of the fuel tank now.  An ugly, unholy scratch--most possibly made by a key-- that ran from the top of the tank right down to the bottom. My heart sank. The scratch could well have been on my body. It sure hurt as much. 

In a fit of rage I leapt around to locate the lurking perpetrator, should he be hiding behind the walls or pillars. As the rage ebbed in a few seconds, the futility of it sunk in. But the rage had not subsided completely. I picked up a small, sharp piece of concrete pebble and looked around to scratch something that would get me my revenge. Futile attempt again. My shoulders slumped soon after as I tossed the pebble back to the pile of rubble.

The world had not only changed for me, it was making me wake up to its irreversible nature in a rude shock. What would I do if I find  that person? Would I go for the jugular? Would I slash his throat open and let the squirting stream of blood soak my clothes? The answer is an unambiguous no. Just as I know I am a romantic optimist (my first instinct was to see the scratch as an innocuous white thread stuck to the fuel tank), I am also certain that I am not violent in a physical way. So, what would I do if I find that person? I would ask him questions. I would analyse him. I would get clues to his psyche. I would know he is incapable of admiring beauty. I would know he would never possess beauty. I would know he would live his life resenting beauty that is everywhere. I would know he would never feel the lightness of spirit that pure beauty supplies to people who don't resent it. That would be my revenge. I have known such people. I have known such young boys in my time. He would be one in that line. A heart full of tar of ugliness.

I believe I want to be a writer. I believe I enjoy writing immensely. I have told my close friends about my ambition in several gatherings. Yet, I can't help but admit I am a lousy wannabe writer. I just don't write enough. I hide behind a theory created entirely by me--perhaps as an excuse--that I am not sensitive and very few things move me enough to write. Even while the veracity of that theory remains in doubt, I have managed to write something ostensibly inspired by a scar, well, a scratch on metal to put it less romantically. There have been occasions before. I have written pieces --too few and far between -- having been inspired by events or scenes or just plain beauty. I know I have poured my heart out on this. It makes me feel better. But I am not making any false promises to myself. I haven't moved on. Every time I see that scratch it is going to push that nail a little deeper. I will get it fixed. I also know that I don't hold on to such things as a loss or a setback for long. I know once it starts looking like new I will forget about it. But I will never forget a scratch made me write. Made me take it personally.  The bird will, in due course, earn a few scratches, be inflicted with a malicious ones, but now I know every scratch will move me, sap my spirits. Every scratch or dent will make me type furiously. I will take every scratch personally. 

HATE: The all pervasive power.

Love is powerful, so they say. What about hate? I can't escape it. In a sadistic, perverse way, i don't really wanna get away from it. But i hate it. It's like the surrounding flames, that burn the skin and threaten to melt the bones, but there is no way i can survive without its warmth. The taste of the darkest, unadulterated and most vile hate is addictive.

The conundrum that is Tibet

Its easy to be sympathetic towards the cause of Tibet, but its hard to not be critical of the Tibetans either. The Tibetans have a government in exile running out of Mcleodganj. The structure is basic but functional. Their setup is impressive and well thought out. The Tibetans realize that a democratic structure is the only feasible solution once they get their homeland and they seem to be grooming their population in exile for the same. But, the return to homeland is going to be one long and difficult haul, and they know it.

By their own admission, the Tibetan culture and their language is more congruent with India than China. Chinese claim that historically and culturally Tibet has always been a part of china and hence the invasion of Tibet in 1949. Their language has strong links with Sanskrit even though their script is their own. Dalai Lama, the Tibetan spiritual guru and a revered personality all over the world, has often likened India as the guru and Tibet as the Disciple.

The Indian connection explains why the Dalai Lama sought exile in India when the Chinese invaded his homeland in 1949. Since then almost two generation of Tibetans have made India their home. The younger ones have been born here and consider them as much a part of India as Tibet. Almost a decade after the invasion, in 1959, an uprising took place in Tibet. It was brutally crushed and added to the toll that Tibet had suffered during the invasion.

The Government of China is meticulously and ruthlessly destroying the unique cultural thread of Tibet. Human rights are frequently violated. Torture and media censorship is norm. The younger generation growing in Tibet haven't even seen what their spiritual guru Dalai Lama looks like owing to the blanket ban on media and information flow.

The environment is being destroyed too, bit by bit. The grasslands in Tibet are shrinking, giving way to deserts. The Chinese have also destroyed the nomadic tribes of Tibet by making them rudimentary structures and forcing them to abandon their century old lifestyle. Tibet is vital for water too as almost one quarter of the water feeding south east Asia flows through the glaciers in Tibet. The Chinese realize that and they are making dams on these rivers indiscriminately but secretly. The Tibetan environmental workers find it surprising that these issues are never at the forefront of any environmental discussions or forum even though they can potentially affect vast human population downstream.

The struggle for Tibet has become harder because of the might of China. No country wants to antagonize China, not even the current superpower, the US. Its hard for Tibetans living in Tibet to mobilize themselves because of the iron curtain that surrounds not just Tibet but also the mainland China. In these times, the exiled population is doing what it can to not let the world go complacent to the cause of Tibet.

The Tibet movement is strictly non-violent and has always been so. The fact that they are willing to fight out a long drawn battle full of sacrifices is laudatory too. But, somehow

The glorious nights.

Those lil whispers in the dark

And everything that you talked

I imagined your lips curling

When my lips and yours touched

My fingers traced your spine

So lost I was in time

I could hear the birds chirping

But these hungry lips of mine

They were still tracing your spine

Your eyes flickered in that first ray

I looked into them and cursed the sun

But it got brighter and I didn’t want you to go away

You turned around and held me, tight

Your eyes still closed and lips parted

I heard your lil whispers in the dark again.

Surajkund

For any child growing up in a small town, a mela used to be the be all and end all of all the fun. Things have changed dramatically all over the country and the melas aren't the magnets they used to be for kids. The kids of today have their electronic toys to keep them engaged. The earthy flavor of a mela seems like a thing of ancient past.

Surajkund mela was a breath of fresh air mixed with nostalgia for everyone who is not quite a kid anymore but still remembers his/her childhood fondly. The bright colored hut shops with even brighter apparels seemed to signal the arrival of the festive spring. The feet, however, were on auto pilot as they carried the empty stomachs to the food court. All the eatables were atrociously expensive with a 5 rupee kulfi available at 50. The food didn't have much to write home about except the delicious sarson da saag.

The chants and drum beats coming from another corner was the next stop. The chants turned out to be a Telugu recital of Ramayana. The garish, belly jiggling Hanumans there had everyone reaching out for their cameras. Suddenly, the drumbeats would reach a crescendo and the onlookers would start dancing with the two Hanumans in a funny unsynchronized way. The presence of two Hanumans was rather puzzling and it was solved when someone suggested that maybe their version of Ramayana differed from Ramanand Sagar's.

The lure of the revolving iron-wheel was too much for the rejuvenated IIMC brigade as everyone headed for a few rides after the divine rendition. Some went trigger happy and shot at hanging nails, some were just happy looking at the merry-go-rounds. The dust in the air, the feeling of weightlessness on the rides and the sounds of shrill, excited screams added to the spirit of the day.

Surajkund, in more ways than one, was an escape to the unbridled childhood for all of us.

The Conundrum that is Tibet

Its easy to be sympathetic towards the cause of Tibet, but its hard to not be critical of the Tibetans either. The Tibetans have a government in exile running out of Mcleodganj. The structure is basic but functional. Their setup is impressive and well thought out. The Tibetans realize that a democratic structure is the only feasible solution once they get their homeland and they seem to be grooming their population in exile for the same. But, the return to homeland is going to be one long and difficult haul, and they know it.

By their own admission, the Tibetan culture and their language is more congruent with India than China. Chinese claim that historically and culturally Tibet has always been a part of china and hence the invasion of Tibet in 1949. Their language has strong links with Sanskrit even though their script is their own. Dalai Lama, the Tibetan spiritual guru and a revered personality all over the world, has often likened India as the guru and Tibet as the Disciple.

The Indian connection explains why the Dalai Lama sought exile in India when the Chinese invaded his homeland in 1949. Since then almost two generation of Tibetans have made India their home. The younger ones have been born here and consider them as much a part of India as Tibet. Almost a decade after the invasion, in 1959, an uprising took place in Tibet. It was brutally crushed and added to the toll that Tibet had suffered during the invasion.

The Government of China is meticulously and ruthlessly destroying the unique cultural thread of Tibet. Human rights are frequently violated. Torture and media censorship is norm. The younger generation growing in Tibet haven't even seen what their spiritual guru Dalai Lama looks like owing to the blanket ban on media and information flow.

The environment is being destroyed too, bit by bit. The grasslands in Tibet are shrinking, giving way to deserts. The Chinese have also destroyed the nomadic tribes of Tibet by making them rudimentary structures and forcing them to abandon their century old lifestyle. Tibet is vital for water too as almost one quarter of the water feeding south east Asia flows from the glaciers in Tibet. The Chinese realize that and they are making dams on these rivers indiscriminately but secretly. The Tibetan environmental workers find it surprising that these issues are never at the forefront of any environmental discussions or forum even though they can potentially affect vast human population downstream.

The struggle for Tibet has become harder because of the might of China. No country wants to antagonize China, not even the current superpower, the US. Its hard for Tibetans living in Tibet to mobilize themselves because of the iron curtain that surrounds not just Tibet but also the mainland China. In these times, the exiled population is doing what it can to not let the world go complacent to the cause of Tibet.

The Tibet movement is strictly non-violent and has always been so. The fact that they are willing to fight out a long drawn battle full of sacrifices is laudatory too. But, somehow it just doesn't add up. They are too happy to remind the Indians that even their struggle took a couple of hundred century to bear results with great sacrifices from the population. They, however, seem to forget that the Indian struggle was not based out of some friendly neighboring country but it was based in India. The mass movement triggered by the appeal of Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi brought the mighty British Empire to its feet. The Tibetans don't even know the status of protests in their homeland. Any movement that is going to crack China enough in yielding Tibet has to be in Tibet itself. The Tibetan dispensation working here in India seems to have no clue about how to go about it. They also mildly accuse India of being too neutral, which is a euphemism for India not pitching the case of Tibet strong enough at different international fora. They, however, seems to be oblivious of the fact that India does its best not to rub china the wrong way. China claims Arunachal as its own and we hardly even make a noise. The Chinese incursion into our territory is often reported but we sit back and review the situation. The scar that China inflicted on Indian minds in the 1962 war still haunts the decision makers here in India.

Tibet must realize that India can support them covertly as they have been doing for close to sixty years but its not yet ready to take China by the horns. Tibetans must be pro-active and learn lessons from history and other freedom struggles. They have to infiltrate the Tibet mainland in order to have an impact, which is a lot harder that it may even sound. However, that is their only recourse if they want to thwart the neo-imperialist expansionist designs of China in their neighborhood.

चोटी की ललक

समय को बाँधने वाला बाँध चाहिए,

वो मीठी सी थकान चाहिए.

रुको, ठेह्रो, बैठो ज़रा

इन नजारों को देखने वाला इंसान चाहिए

शिखर की ललक है तुम्हे

अस्तित्व विहीन खतरों की भनक है तुम्हे

सजीव कल्पनाओं से कोई वास्ता नहीं

मुर्दों की दौड़ में पहला स्थान चाहिए

खिलते फूलों की पुकार नहीं

डूबते सूरज के आखिरी लालिमा की दरकार नहीं

हमराहियों की ठिठोलियाँ नहीं

चाहिए तुम्हे तो बस शिखर का आधार चाहिए

चुभती हैं तुम्हे वोह साथियों के संग की यादें

पर भूल कैसे सकते हो उम्मीदों पर खरे उतरने के वादे

उहापोह से लथपथ, पीछे छूट गए तुम्हारे साए

टूटे हुए, चिता पर लदे हुए तुम्हारे इरादे

दिखने लगे सब, छटे घना कुहरा सारा

ले लो सांस, धैर्य धरो, ये सब है तुम्हारा

सूखने दो पसीने को, होने दो धडकनों को मद्धम

यहीं तो है वोह जिसकी खोज में भटक रहे तुम और हम

क्या ढूंढते हो चोटी पर

जो साथियों के संग में नहीं

क्षितिज पर सागर से मिले बिना

ऊंचा आसमान भी पूरा नहीं